A Taxing Protest

One day Grasshopper saw Ant loading a box of tea bags into his minivan.

"Watcha doing with all that tea?" he asked.

"Well, it's a tax protest," Ant replied. "I think we pay too much taxes."

Grasshopper thought about that for a while. "Aren't you the guy who wants tougher border restrictions?" he asked.

"Well, yes," Ant replied.

"And aren't you always screaming about all the potholes in the streets? And not enough cops or firemen? And yelling that kids don't get a good education in our schools?"

"Well, yes," the Ant replied. "That's all true."

"Let's see, you think we don't get good public services, but you don't want to pay for them, is that it?" Grasshopper asked.

"Oh, you're taking it all out of context," the Ant huffed as he loaded the tea into the car and drove off.

"Huh. And you guys think I'M the freeloader," said the Grasshopper.

No Credit Where Credit Is Due

Ant and Grasshopper were neighbors but lived very different lives. Ant paid his bills on time or even ahead, while Grasshopper tended to forget about them.

Ant always paid off his credit card balance in full when the bill came in, but Grasshopper was lucky if he managed to scrape together the minimum payment and get it in the mail anywhere close to on time.

Ant said, “This will really help me build my credit rating for when I really want to have good credit.”

Grasshopper said, “Eh, I’ve got better things to do than worry about all that.”

One day Ant read in the paper that credit card companies were going to charge more for customers who paid off their bills every month. “This just doesn’t make sense,” he said, “How can they treat me like this? I’ve always been so loyal.”

When he heard about it, Grasshopper said, “Well, I guess that’s even less incentive to pay my bills on time—I guess I’d better stop paying any of them.”

And he did.

2/7/10

A Modern Fable

Once upon a time, an Ant lived next door to a Grasshopper. One day the Ant said to the Grasshopper, “We haven’t had much rain the last few years, and I’ve heard there may be water rationing some day, so I’ve decided to tear out my lawn and put in drought tolerant plants, turn off the tap when I brush my teeth and take shorter showers.”

And he did.

The Grasshopper thought, “Hmmm, if I do all that and still take a 20% cut, I won’t be able to keep my lush lawn and decorative tropical plants alive. I’m going to make sure I have a much bigger water allotment than I really need, so I’m going to water my lawn every single day, even on days it rains, take even longer showers and start hosing off my sidewalk, even if it doesn’t need it.”

And he did.

So when the drought came, the city announced that everyone would have to take a 20% cut, regardless of their prior water use. “But I’ve done everything you said to do to save water for the last two years,” screamed the Ant, “What about my tomatoes, they’ll die.”

“Told you so,” said the Grasshopper, as he watered his lawn.

2/7/09